Buzz Cut


I was thinking of shaving all my hair off, for several reasons.

  1. My hair needs cutting anyway. It’s been a year. I detest going to the hairdressers – aimless chat/ trapped in a chair/ you can’t control what they do to you/ they usually make you look fussy and weird, and that’s if they understand in the first place what it is you’re trying to look like.

Get me out of there! Or even better, never in.

2.  As a sort of protest against beauty, which is a bothersome burden if you ask me,      unless you subscribe to the absolutely no-maintenance version, which I emphatically do.

3. Long hair is a problem. Eventually (say about after a year), it begins to look like a crow’s nest and is more trouble in the daily untangling than it’s worth. A buzz cut would be very useful, then. It might take two or even three years to grow back! Think of the easy life!

4. As a sort of protest against all the acquaintances who think you are one thing (sweet, gentle, pretty, really very nice), when actually you’re mostly the other (steely, angry, not always very nice). That would tell ’em.*

5. Would it attract fewer online trolls? That would also be good. I’m tired of politely declining Facebook friendships with men from the US military.

6.  GDPR. I’ve been so worried (SO worried – ask Mr M, poor man) about the upcoming GDPR (a new sort of Data Protection Act on steroids, with enormous fines, lifetime prison sentences** and end of the world scenarios), that I’ve been going to further, even more enormous lengths to safeguard the teeny amounts of data I must necessarily collect in the course of going about my business as an artist. I do not know the meaning of the word perspective, sometimes, as adept with words as I appear to be. The huge flaming torch I bought to ward off data robbers has singed my hair in places. A buzz cut might even out the burnt bits, and hide the stress bald patches.

7. Lastly, as a dare to myself. I like a project, especially one that’s challenging and vulnerable.

So you see, it’s really a very viable and attractive option. If it looked terrible (likely), I could simply hide in my loft and paint (what’s new?).



*And it would also distract me from all the self-aggrandising, self-important, pompous nonsense at large in the world today. Urgh. Someone save me.

**Maybe not lifetime sentences, but almost certainly very long ones in solitary confinement. I joke, but it has unsettled me hugely.

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